Peace

The absence of words. Spending all day talking, cajoling, persuading: the idea of no words after 5 p.m. is seductive.  Silence becomes enveloping and overwhelming.  Yet a blissful nothingness.

Silver Linings in Dark Clouds

A friend just called and helped put things into perspective. Her twenty something daughter is pregnant, going to marry the clown, and my friend is barely 40.  She had her first child (pregnant one) when she was 18.  She didn't want this for her kids. She's not surprised her first, her rebel, chose a hard path; she didn't want them following hers. 

As a friend, listening to her story, I'm thinking (for once) this is a blessing in total disguise. She's worried about her daughter and rightfully do, but she cannot change her decisions.  Just try to make the best with what you have.  A grandchild to love!

A great reminder for me: Do the best with what you have. I cannot change my past or even earlier today.  But I can do the best with what I have at this moment.  I am at home sick, largely moping around bored.  What's the best I can do today? Rest and love it. Rejoice in sitting on my butt at home. Enjoy the hell out of it. Enjoy the silence and the stillness (I was cussing it earlier). Revel in the peace, no phones ringing, lack of insanity.  I have not done that all day--just been a grump.

So, thank you friend. There are good things in all things. 

I'm just a girl....

I had the most invalidating experience the other day: in a doctor’s office.  I have Hashimoto’s thyroiditis.  Basically that means I have a congenital crappy thyroid. Anyway, I had gone in to talk to the doc about some hypothyroid symptoms that had come up over the last 2 months.  

What occurred after that was a discourse in her ideals and preconceptions.  She actually said and I quote: I grieve for you because you had a hysterectomy.  I don’t—one of the best decisions I ever made. Then she went on to tell me my problems stemmed from being alone, being in menopause, the election and because of Wall Streets turmoil.  I am not kidding or exaggerating. I couldn’t make this stuff up.  

I was so stunned I had little to say other than: I don’t think so and I don’t have a problem being alone (another good decision). I had a hysterectomy because of the horrible pain I was in…This is a professor no less. 

So is the healthcare crisis just about the uninsured? Or does it also include crank healthcare? 

The worst part is: the doctor was female. She, in a nutshell, told me all of my issues were psychological….how invalidating is that? What a sexist response to another woman? How could another woman say that?? She honestly said: if I had a husband, I wouldn’t be so stressed. Was she talking about herself? I was married.  He didn’t help with the stress. Ever. 

She also said I could just give him my finances and let him worry about it.  You know what, bitch? I did that too—and he ran up my credit cards. No thanks. 

The craziest thing is: I brought none of this up. NONE. I came in to talk about my thyroid. 

I’m still in shock.