When?

I have to protect it

And I forget

It runs from me, slips

Lost in debt

It seeps from me, gone

I never notice it leaving

And then, all at once, done

I feel so foolish

Once again, I’m without

Days to recover begin

Desert, surrounded in drought

Denial, depression delusion

A limited supply a limited amount

When will I succumb

To the truth, unable to surmount?

Another day passes

When?

Something to think about: Socialism

With all this talk about health care and the word socialism being thrown around, I looked up the definition of socialism--to see what it means, really.

According to Webster: 1: any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods.

Or from Wikipedia: Socialism refers to any one of various theories of economic organization advocating state, public or common worker ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods, and a society characterized by equal access to resources for all individuals with a more egalitarian method of compensation.

Thinking about this, holy cow!! How many of our 'necessities' in life fall under this definition?

Public Education

Social Security

Welfare

Unemployment

Anti-trust laws

Worker protection acts

Government regulated utilities

Minimum Wage

HUD

Civil Service Retirement Systems

Federal Employee Retirement Systems

Railroad Retirement System

Public Housing

Rental Vouchers & Certificates

Section 8 Housing Vouchers

Shelter Plus Care

Low Income Home Energy Assistance

Temporary Disability Insurance

Supplemental Security Income

Temporary Assistance for Needy Families

Food Stamp Program

Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children (WIC)

National School Lunch Program

School Breakfast Program

United States Department of Agriculture (USDA)

Federal Communications Commission (FCC)

Food and Drug Administration (FDA)

Import Tariffs

"If programs that redistribute wealth are socialism then clearly Americans are comfortable with socialism. The whole point of government is to redistribute personal wealth. We could have eschewed taxes when our country was formed. We learned that it is hard to protect the nation by hoping many unpaid farm hands toting guns would show up when faced with insurrection or invasion. We form governments to handle common societal problems too big to be solved individually." --From Occam's Razor.info

I am not in love with government run healthcare, but when compared to other programs listed above, I can see the validity. What is more important than our health? Is it a right to have an education, safe food, fair housing, and healthcare? At the very least, it could be regulated or be subject to anti-trust laws (from which it is currently exempt).

Just thinkin...

what would have become of me if I'd stayed

would I'd been a hero, 

a victim, 

a slave?

what would have become of me if I'd stayed

would she be safe

lucid

secure

what would have become of me if I'd stayed

would he be well

worse

mad

But, I did not stay. 

I am safe 

lucid

secure

sane

I saved myself. And I still mourn them.

My side of the street

Today I was given a gift--a reality check.  I'm a perfectionist.  Honestly, I've never seen myself this way.  I've thought of myself as a laid back person and in some ways, I am.  But overall, even as a kid, if I wasn't really good at it, meaning the best or perfect at it, then I wouldn't bother.  Wasn't even a competition thing--it had nothing to do with the other person. I needed to be perfect at it. This has affected everything in my life. My jobs, my education, my relationships.  If it wasn't perfect, I didn't want it. If I didn't look perfect, why bother. I would get depressed, nothing has ever been good enough.

Just yesterday, I was going to spend the day outside.  The morning started off cloudy--so in my head the day was shot.  No reason to try...not good enough.  

I've been told I was a perfectionist before, but I had this image of perfectionists as these completely put together on time people. That's not me.  But in reality, I am one.  I can be real anal about things: always being right, stickler for details. I never leave the house unless I've deemed I look ok from every angle. No wonder I have anxiety issues.  

This is very freeing to know this...for people who don't have perfectionist issues...you might think, what's the big deal? The big deal is: its unconscious. As a perfectionist I think, I should have known this (just thought that, which is funny).  I run around trying to make sure all the plates I am spinning stay in the air, when no one cares but me.  I think that I'm doing this for others, but I'm doing this for myself.  

I think its a way to control things...to control the chaos in life. That is an illusion. I need to let chaos happen. God, that's scary for me. 

Peace

In the silence tonight, I think about starting over. I tend to think about what I want, what I don’t have. And I am reminded tonight about faith. Faith isn’t something I do well. In fact its something I struggle with daily. But I’m learning. I think if I am willing to believe that God or Allah or the Spirit has my best interest at heart and just might know better than me, I might just be ok. 

trust

I look for love but cannot give

My heart completely 

I fear distrust him and cannot forgive

His heart discretely.   

I do not know him yet and yet 

I love his visage. 

And then I still fear love’s sure threat 

Knowing the damage.   

Open the door, open the mind, open my heart. 

How? How is this done? 

Open the door, open the mind, open my heart.   

I know he is here expecting 

Me, willing hopeful 

His true heart open connecting 

Mine all too careful   

How can this work, how can I change 

For me to accept Love? 

Faith I suppose must be arranged 

Wait unknown beloved?   

Open the door, open the mind, open my heart. 

How? How can I do this? 

Open the door, open the mind, open my heart.